Explained: “How to work with me” manual (and why your company needs one)

Learn how to let employees create internal cheatsheets that help other teammates to know exactly how they prefer to work and communicate.

Each one of us is wired slightly differently. Yet most of us behave as if everyone else somehow knows exactly how we operate, and then we get upset when they don’t meet our expectations.

For example:

  • We assume other people should think in a similar way to us  

  • We expect people to understand our needs without verbalizing them

  • We want people to remember what’s important to us, even if we only mentioned it once years ago

  • We become very creative when someone is behaving differently than we would expect

  • We make decisions based only on our assumptions

Sound familiar? No wonder it’s so easy to get off on the wrong foot or experience miscommunications—especially with colleagues.

For this reason, we introduced the concept of individual “How to work with me” manuals. It’s our internal cheatsheet for knowing how other teammates prefer to work and communicate with colleagues.

Stop wasting time making assumptions or being misunderstood

Imagine you wrote an important message to your manager on Slack four hours ago. At this very moment, you’re still waiting for a reply. What goes through your mind?

Is my manager too busy for my message?

Let me check the Slack status

Hmm. Online. Maybe my idea was stupid?

Am I being ignored?

What if my work isn't good enough? 

It can go on, and on, and on. The longer you wait, the more your insecurities get the best of you. We’ve all been there!

To prevent yourself from going down a rabbit hole, it’s much easier to work with clear expectations, rather than assumptions. Especially when your team communicates remotely from all over the world and there are cultural differences and time zones to take into account as well. 

I found the answer to the insecurities described above in a book titled “High Growth Handbook: Scaling Startups From 10 to 10,000 People”. 

The book describes how when Claire Hughes Johnson joined Stripe, she created an open document and shared it with everyone who was closely working with her. Her essay counted just over 2,000 words and was titled “How to work with me”. 

A genius way to set clear expectations, right? 

That’s why we added  “How to work with me” manuals to our profiles in Notion, where everyone can find and read them. Anyone can write one—whether they’re new to the team, changing teams, or just want their team to know them better. 

Writing your personal “How to work with me” manual

While we don’t want to limit people with strict writing guidelines, it’s important that your manual answers some common questions, including:

  • ‘How are you?’ is a greeting for you or a question you want to hear an answer to?

  • Do you prefer to start conversations with small talk or go straight to the point?

  • How do you feel about emojis and gifs in the messages?

  • What channels do you prefer for communication? Chat, email or call? Which channel and when do you choose?

  • How do you want to get feedback?

  • What is your thinking process? How do you make decisions?

  • What are your requirements for great work?

  • What do you expect from other team members? How do you want them to help you?

  • What frustrates you?

  • What you might miss and your team members should remind you about? What are your blind spots?

  • What are things you’re great at, things you love doing? How do you want to add value to the team?

Are you a manager? Here are some questions for you:

  • What tasks do I want to be involved in?

  • When do I want to hear from my team members?

  • How do you want your team members to make decisions: together or on their own?

  • When should they get your confirmation?

Then, take some time to really think about who you are and how you think. Spend time contemplating these three areas below to get started with the writing process.

1. Know thyself

Before you start writing, it’s worth stopping and thinking about how you want to work (it’s surprising how few of us have actually done this)! 

Take a minute to explore how you function in a team. Notice the things that motivate or irritate you, with specific questions like:

  • Do I prefer Slack messages to emails? 

  • Do I want people to reply instantly or should they think about it first? 

  • How often do I want to have online meetings? 

  • Why do I need things to be like this? How does it help me?

You can be very specific. For example, COO Ilma (that’s me!) wrote: “If I forward an email, I’d like to be included in cc to see further communication.”

Our Customer Support Manager Emma uses her manual to remind people of her very English way of communicating:

“Being typically English I tend to over-apologize. I apologize for things where there is no need to apologize, and when I do, I say it too many times (sorry about that).

Please understand that it's not from a place of needing constant reassurance, as I understand that it could come across this way and be a bit irritating.

Feel free to remind me that it's unnecessary when the situation doesn't call for it, or alternatively, just completely ignore my apologies. Thanks and sorry.”

And when it comes to feedback, this is how our Technical Support Lead Andrej, likes to receive it best:

“Please provide feedback. If your feedback is negative, please include one positive comment as well :)”

See how in just a few minutes, we’ve already gathered so much valuable information about how people tick? 

If they’d never written these things down, we wouldn’t have known that it mattered to them. This makes all the difference in your team!

2. Explain your perspective

We’re not all on the same wavelength—and that’s a good thing! Each one of us brings different strengths to the table. But it also means that we need to be crystal clear when we’re explaining our point of view. 

For example, my big-picture vision for our business can make others feel stressed out or uncomfortable. That’s totally ok, it just means that we see the world differently. So for my manual, it makes sense to explain how I think and view my job:

“My job is to connect dots inside and outside The Remote Company. If you have any idea what could be improved, what is missing or what is wrong at Remote Company, please share it with me.

I thrive when I talk about the vision and see the bigger picture. I am curious to hear why and how your current tasks are connected with the wider view. I am always willing to invest in long-term solutions and ideas.

I’m systematic when I work alone, but I might get too abstract when talking/writing about different projects. Please ask for specific details, my plans on how to get there and reasons why we should do something. I probably have a document or a plan for my idea.”

Our Lead Developer Tadas, on the other hand, is much more straightforward:

“I can be confrontational at times. It's never personal.

I expect you to call me out when I'm wrong.

I expect you to be able to defend your choices and reasoning.

I expect you to take initiative and responsibility.

I expect you to take pride in your work.”

And our CEO Ignas explains in his manual how to best convince him of an idea:

“I like to see things visually. If you want to convince me about something, show visual examples from competitors or other successful companies. I value arguments that are based on research and market review (and presented visually).”

3. Be aware of your differences

In our team, we share some common concepts. For example, we all prefer asynchronous communication and are passionate about our job. We are all happy to wear t-shirts and sweaters with #lovemyjob!

But like all large groups, we have many differences as well. These are equally important to be aware of so that we can avoid misunderstandings. It might be the tiniest details that matter to people the most. 

For example, our Customer Support Manager Silvestras writes:

“I like an environment which values quality, accuracy and efficiency and I believe that a systematic analytical approach is the best way to achieve it.

During working hours, I prefer to focus on work-related things only. Chit chat is not something I enjoy at work. We have workations and informal team meetings for that.”

Karina, the head of our People & Culture team, has a different approach:

“If you get a task, take full responsibility for it. It’s not necessary to update me with every minor detail, I’m more interested in the final result. I really appreciate it when people in my team don’t come to me with questions that they can solve independently and find their own ways to complete the task. However, it does not mean that you should not contact me whenever you feel stuck!

I enjoy building a strong connection with the people in my team. I know some people do not want to mix up their personal and work life and, but for me, this company is a very big (and also important and beautiful) part of my life.

Chatting about our morning coffee or our weekends adds special energy and good vibes, which is necessary to build great things together!”

Our Lead Developer at MailerSend, Tautvydas, even suggests topics to chat with him:

“I do like joking around, chatting about sports, games, and other things of interest. It must not be 100% about work. A good GIF or an emoji will be appreciated.”

Finished writing? Share the document with your team

Of course, after all this thinking and writing about yourself, it’s good to share the finished manuals with the team. You can even host a meeting where everyone reads theirs out loud. 

It’s great to see how people react to their newly learned information.

After people read my manual, they confessed that they loosened up. They had felt bad getting my Slack messages at random hours and had tried their best to respond as fast as possible.

But now that they know my way of working, they’ve learned that that’s not what I expect. Here’s the real reason why I write my messages at random times:

“I prefer asynchronous communication via Slack. If you got my message, you don’t have to reply instantly. Sometimes you may get my Slack message on the weekends or in the late evening. I shared it with you because I just came up with an idea and don’t want to forget it.

I don’t expect a reply on the weekend, on your vacation and when you are away. Reply when you start your workday.”

This communication method works for me because I can share what’s on my mind, without disturbing my colleagues’ downtime. Everyone is happy!

Key takeaways as you start preparing

Are you ready to write your manual? Excellent! 

Here are some things to keep in mind:

  1. With communication, it’s best to not assume but to set clear expectations.

  2. It’s worth having your team write their manuals to understand them better and improve communication.

  3. People feel more secure when they know what to expect. 

  4. Working in a diverse and multicultural team is a huge advantage, but you need to work even harder to understand your differences and avoid misunderstandings. 

  5. Read your team's manuals, have a discussion about it and take the time to listen. 

  6. Just do it :)

Happy writing!

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